To be successful in this world, you need one of three things; intelligence, intelligence, or intelligence- if you think you have all three, you're either fooling yourself, or you're well within the boundaries of success.

That being said, out of the kindness of my heart and with nothing due more to than the purest of intentions, I've decided to bless you human beings ("BUT JINN, YOU'RE HUMAN TOO!"- no, I've already covered this, I fell from heaven, I've even got the scar on the back of my head to prove it, which definitely wasn't from a childhood accident where I tripped, fell, and hit my head on a metal chai- whoops) with a guide. A guide consisting of all the required necessities to extend your intellect beyond that which is considered average, expand your brain capacity farther than the universe's reaches, and encompass you with sense deeper than the oceans.

Why would you do this, you ask? Well, if you read the first sentence of the previous paragraph, it is clearly stated that I am doing this "out of the kindness of my heart", but no worries! It is natural for you to ask such dull tedious repetitive questions, after all, you are nothing more than the common moron at the very moment; that's exactly why you're here! However, by the time you're done reading this guide, you will feel as if Steven Hawkin and Einstein hooked up at the local mathematical physics gay bar (I swear it exists, Google it- no, wait... I just came back from Googling that... don't Google it, ever), had a few alcoholic formulas, forgot to take the pill, and ended up producing a baby; that baby being you! disclaimer: we all know this story is fake because homosexuals can't get married and therefore can't have babies yet (lolwut?)

Well, without further ado, I present to you, how to be a genius:

Common sense; just like every building starts with a foundation, and every modern teenage suicide starts with a Youtube video, intelligence has its deep roots too. Intelligence, though a tree with many branches, all starts at the very base- common sense. Common sense is typically defined as the logical order with which we have the ability to communicate good sense and sound judgement- i.e. the thoughts of a reasonable human being. Lack of common sense is a major leading disease in society today- symptoms include anything from ignorance, stupidity, to a mild case of racism. "Developing" or "learning" common sense would be quite an extraordinary task, granted it is in fact pre-installed. You see, we were created with common sense, just like Windows comes with a pre-installed user manual. Though, just like the pre-installed Windows user manual, common sense is a program rarely used by a majority of the populace. If you are having trouble running your common sense program, then please try switching yourself off, then on again- who am I kidding, if you don't have common sense, just switch yourself off. Permanently.

Reading; if you have never read a book in your life (a proper book, not twelve pages of pictures about Jack's new teddy bear- Twilight doesn't qualify either, in fact, anything by Stephanie Meyer doesn't qualify, neither does Fifty Shades of Porn), then you are lacking in the most fundamental basics of intelligence. Reading does not just offer you mild entertainment or pages to flick through- reading offers empathy with another's world, familiarity with other ways of thinking, insight into objective perspectives, expansion of vocabulary, exploration of ideals, and most importantly, a development of your own personality. When you read a book, it becomes part of who you are, so they say (that's why I strongly advise staying away from Twilight)- in fact, it's said that reading a book may even have a direct affect on your psychology (again, emphasis on staying away from Twilight... please); this isn't meant in the way that reading would coerce you into blindly obeying and following the author, but rather that the way in which the book is written, and your personal interpretations will develop your thoughts and ideas in a way which couldn't be done in any other possible way (hence the extreme emphasis... please don't read Twilight)- so, make sure you rea- you know what, this section has one main point. Don't read Twilight, or that Fifty Shades of Blue shit.

Active brain; keeping your brain active is also an extremely important way to develop your intelligence. I wish I could be bothered to give you a full convincing break down about the biology behind the way in which brain cells function and the effect this would have on them, but unfortunately, I'm a law student, not a scientist, so I'll offer you the following example instead which should thoroughly explain my point...

Five male university students (Abe, Bob, Chris, Dan and Edward) met a young woman named Mary. She rebuffed their sexual advances from all of the students except for Dan. Mary said she would have sex with Dan but not with the others. Abe said, "If Mary isn't willing to have sex with all of us, then we'll have to force her. Are you guys with me?" Bob nodded his assent. The rest did not respond. Abe locked the door so Mary couldn't get out. Bob suddenly had a change of heart and said, "I'm not going to go through with it, and I think all of you should stop as well." At that point, Bob left the hotel room and went to his own room, but didn't do anything further. Abe then forcibly held Mary down and proceeded to have intercourse. Chris, who was very drunk, then said "I'm going to force her to have sex with me too." He took his clothes off and got up on the bed. However, before he actually had intercourse with Mary, Chris passed out from the alcohol. In relief that she wouldn't be forced to have sex again, Mary passed out. Dan decided that since Mary had said she wanted to have sex with him, it was OK and he proceeded to have sexual intercourse with the unconscious Mary. After Dan had sex with Mary, Mary woke up and started screaming. Afraid that someone would hear the screaming Mary, Abe choked her until she was dead. Edward just watched the whole time and said and did nothing. After Mary died, Abe, Chris and Dan went to Bob's bedroom. Edward went back to his bedroom and did nothing. Abe, Chris and Dan told Bob everything that had happened. Bob said that Abe, Chris and Dan could spend the night in his room so that they wouldn't be found with the dead body. The next morning, the police found Mary and arrested all five students. What crimes would they be guilty of?

That really wasn't relevant at all, it was one of the practice questions given for my up-coming finals so I pasted it. Though, it is quite clear that Dan had a great time.

Speaking; this bit has nothing to do with intelligence, I just felt like it was a good time to throw in a bit of etiquette after introducing like a thousand IQ into y'alls brains... speak only when there's words to be spoken, otherwise shut the fuck up.

How would you define intelligence?

Good to be back.

Now I know I haven't posted a single post in quite a while (due to studies), and as usual, it really is incredibly flattering to find my Xanga inbox and eMail over flooding with requests for an update to my blog; I thank you all for your support, admiration, and motivation- I don't think I would ever be bothered to get my lazy ass out of bed and type this up if you guys didn't outnumber me so badly. I have drafted a couple of posts over the past few weeks though, and you have my sincere promise that they will be up as soon as possible. However, all that's beside the point...

Since my birthday, it feels like the whole world and everyone in it has been conspiring to piss me off in every possible way; that being said, I can't really blame them. Maybe it's an accident, maybe they just don't know what pisses me off and it's in their ignorance, in their nature to provoke me through their very existence. So for the sake of your well-being, and the well-being of those around you, I've decided to construct a list purely to inform you on what ticks me off, and I'm sure, as I'm mostly human (disregarding my half celestial ancestry) just like the rest of you, many of you will be able to relate.

People who think braces are cute; this would come in near the top of my list if there was any order (and even though there isn't, it somehow still made the top)- how the fuck is stapling every tooth in your mouth with a cluster of titanium, stainless steel and nickel the least bit attractive? It looks like you took a bite out of a furnace, hell, it looks like you're modelling healthy teeth on a BEFORE poster. You see credit cards? How they have those tiny metallic numbers imprinted on the front side? Kissing someone with braces must feel like licking one of those. The only up side I can think of, is someone with braces won't need a refrigerator seeing as they can store all their food directly in front of their teeth. No, I'm kidding, I can definitely see the health managerial side to dental braces, but seriously, would you call Ironman cute? No, so stop fooling yourselves, unless you're calling their braces cute because you want a free ticket to ride on Braces Express Railway Services; cut it out. If you have braces and you're reading this post, you probably agree with me more than anyone else, you probably can't wait to get rid of your iron restraints and be able to open your mouth on a bright Summer's day without blinding whoever your facing due to the reflected light.

Late comments; especially when they're negative, and this flies in with regards to anything, from social networking sites, blogs, to public jokes- people who comment late do miles to put me off lunch for the next month. Honestly, say for example you put up a blog post about food; your favourite food, people comment on it- there are disagreements, agreements, laughter, tears and whatever the fuck else happens in blog comments; then, six years later, someone with the name "fr3ddyJ0nes" comments on your post saying; "u retard.... dat fud isnt nice LOL :)"... come on! The most depressing bit is, you most likely won't even see that comment considering the post is six years old and you'd have forgotten all about checking there, hell, you'll probably be using a different blog, God, you may not even be alive anymore (even if you aren't, you'll probably turn in your grave the minute this little fucker presses the submit button). Late comments piss me off, when they're negative, it's worse, because they're most likely coming from an illiterate who's decided to join when everything's ended and has no idea how far the conversation has progressed (meaning, most likely, his "point" has already been covered and discussed in a more intelligent way)- this also particularly applies to Facebook pictures, it's so awkward when you have a picture up from, say, ten years ago, and now you're married, your ex girlfriend commented on that picture, some half brained cunt you just met decides to comment on it ten years later; "aww, you look so much older now!" (well, no shit Sherlock, that was TEN YEARS AGO), you click the notification, and your wife sneaks up behind you reading your ex's comment- "babe I remember that night! Your tongue felt so good down there ;). Looking good xx"; what an end to a happy marriage, eh. Lesson being, if you have something to comment, check the date first, if what you're commenting on is more than a few months old, the person probably doesn't give a shit and you should just shut the fuck up.

People who break promises in bulk; one of the worst characteristics to have is dishonesty, but no one's perfect; anyone can lie about little things or when the time is absolutely necessary. Breaking a promise however, that's hardly excusable, in fact, it's disgusting (promises are vows, they're a direct inclination towards one particular person and hold you loyal; it's something that puts you and your pride at stake, no matter how little or big it is). Breaking promises in bulk on the other hand, is something you should be stoned to death for... really, breaking one promises is bad enough, but going ahead and breaking everything you ever said to one person at the same time is worse than murder. At least have the decency to spread it out a little (not that it makes you a better person), have some empathy and consideration! Thing is, most people here would use the most basic of excuses; "I had no choice", "I have to", "it's hard for me too" and "it's not my fault"- don't believe any of that, it's also bullshit. Come on, use your brain; if they have the audacity to break a bunch of life-changing promises they made to you within the time-span of sixty seconds, they can definitely throw in a few extra one liners as lies to compensate your "feelings" and save their "pride". Point here is, everyone has a choice in everything they do, nothing is forced, at all, even in the most ridiculous of situations, every human being has the strength, possibility and opportunity to keep their promises- in the end, it all comes down to the strength of their personality and what/ who matters more. Simply, if you can't keep your promises, don't open your mouth and stare deep into another person's eyes- especially a "significant other", and utter absolute bullshit. It's stupid and demeaning.

People who lick my ass; I've always found "rimjobs" particularly disgusting, but somehow, I find the metaphorical "lick my ass" much worse. These people are everywhere, as a wise man (my dad) once said- the majority of people are "sheep", they're just a crowd, they follow, they never think, there's only a few, the elite, who actually think and control society; those are the truest words I've ever had the privilege of hearing. Just look around you, most people, they follow, they do no thinking nor significant action, but this post isn't going to divert to some political nuisance, I'd like to keep on track. Having someone lick your ass is quite metaphorical as it is literal; you start to feel sticky and wet, slobbered. My advice is, if you're going to lick my ass, be prepared to wax, polish, tan, clean, shine and wipe the rest of it for the following week too, I don't want to deal with any shit you may leave behind (geddit'? "Shit" you may leave behind, oh I'm so funny).

People who smile at everyone; why the fuck are you so happy? I'm not talking about the slight accepting smile that people usually nod towards each other every morning at work or in a public place- this is in regards to the huge appalling five foot wide smile where it looks like someone stapled their lips across their cheeks. There's nothing wrong with looking glad, but imagine my grandfather just died, and I'm walking down the street, and I see you, with a huge smile plastered across your face, then you look at me and offer me that five foot horror, I swear to God my first inclination would be to beat the living daylights out of you then break every tooth in your mouth so your smile looks more like a cave entrance. Smile, sure, but know when to keep a straight motherfucking face. Besides, it's always nice to save your smiles for someone special, so they feel special.

Now that you've laughed your head off and come out a little more wise and a little less depressed, please make sure to never take part in any of the activities listed above; I'm definitely thinking of making a part two for this post as there's quite a few I have yet to list.

Thank you for your time.