Wednesday, 14 July 2010

• About women

  Wanna hear a funny joke?
  Women's rights.
  
  The woman
  
  The woman is usually found lurking in the kitchen- occasionally standing in front of an oven with an apron dangling around her neck along with some loose jewellery. While in the kitchen, the woman tends to be talking on the phone, cooking, keeping an eye on her children, looking in the mirror, applying make up, complaining about her period and checking her husband's text messages, all at the same time.
  
  Women are usually herbivores and tend to nibble on nothing other than fruits and vegetables twice a day in the self proclaimed belief that they are "preserving their figure" (also known as starving yourself to death). On the other hand, some women do not posses this particular feminine feel for themselves and instead tend to ravage every piece of meat they can set their eyes on.
  
  Women are usually kind, heart warming and very fragile creatures. However, every once a month on a full moon they tend to reveal their true nature- the transformation normally lasts for seven days and is very similar to that of a "werewolf" (refer to page 231). During this period of time they usually bleed constantly from between their legs and attempt to completely destroy anything that is within a substantial range of two hundred and thirty six metres.
  
  This formidable creature can also be found in cosmetics shops, grocery stores, bedrooms, or even near the washing line. Women can not be found on the internet; anything claiming to be a woman on the internet is usually an undercover FBI agent tracking down pedophiles, or an undercover pedophile tracking you down.
  
  The woman is a creature that needs to be approached with great caution. A minimum thirty years of experience still does not guarantee certain survival. Pleasing a woman is extremely difficult as they usually mean the opposite of what they say.
  
  A woman is identified by her unique and sometimes "beautiful" features which usually include; a face mask, lips which have been savaged by some sort of ink, extra lashes, silicon in their chest and extremely tight clothes.
  
  The woman is ranked third in the "top three most dangerous creatures on the face of the planet". The only other two standing before it being the "angry woman" (refer to page 120) and the "very angry woman" (refer to page 125).
  
  this fact file was extracted from the "book of creatures" 2009(c).
  
  &' that's all that's on my head right now.
  
  'Peace!
  
  ♠
  
  PS: Keep your sense of humour. There'll be one about men too :].
  
  

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